


just believe (in me), keep being with me

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Series: they become my medals [3]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Okay maybe more than some, Some angst, canon (for the most part), deals w elimination, i'm a sap, jh soft as ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:59:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: Minhyun is trapped.(written in the same (uni)verse ason the empty paper, just two of us (we are drawing together)andyour movements, your energy that i only know (they invite me over again), but can be read as a stand-alone)





	just believe (in me), keep being with me

**Author's Note:**

> music: hyuna - run & run
> 
> thanks for clicking on this!!! this is written in the same (uni)verse as the other 2 fics but there's absolutely no prior knowledge to be needed. 
> 
> please enjoy your read!! :*

**_start._ **

* * *

“You look absolutely fantastic.”

Jonghyun places his hands gently on Minhyun’s shoulders, running his fingertips down the sleeves of the dark navy, almost black fabric of his suit. His hands move up, fingers rubbing against the silk of the ribbon tied around the collar of the white button-up.

“I thought you didn't particularly take notice of fashion,” Minhyun says.

Jonghyun smiles at him, his hands falling down to his side. “I notice when it's you,” he replies, softly.

Minhyun only has enough time to thank him with a smile and briefly hold Jonghyun’s hand in between his own two palms before the staff are shouting around the room for _Super Hot_ to get ready to assemble on stage in a minute.

“I'll see you out there, Jonghyun,” Minhyun says, and Jonghyun nods in response.

“Good luck,” Minhyun adds, his voice low and quiet, almost completely drowned out by the people around him, but loud enough for Jonghyun to hear.

Jonghyun bows his head. “Thank you,” he replies, smiling sheepishly, and Minhyun lets go of him as Jonghyun is slowly absorbed into the large group of trainees. Dongho and Minki appear at his side, throwing arms over his shoulders and guiding him into the wave of people.

Jonghyun takes a deep breath, his shoulders trembling, plagued with nerves as if it were his first time on a stage, but Minki grins wholeheartedly at him and Jonghyun can't help but grin too, because for the first instance in a long time, amidst the tangle of tension, he can feel that spark of self-assurance and confidence that tells him he's going to be okay, and that his worries are manifested from things that are not to be worried about in the first place.

Because it's the top 20 stage, and Jonghyun can see it at the tip of his nose.

He can see his success at the tip of his nose.

He can see Minhyun’s there, too.

And just a little bit further away, Dongho and Minki as well.

Unlike Minhyun and Jonghyun, they'll be hanging by a thread when the ranking is announced. But what they've all collectively gained, even if Minki and Dongho do not make the final lineup, is an experience Jonghyun never imagines any of them could forget.

It’s an experience to not only improve themselves and strengthen the bonds that hold them together, but also an opportunity to gain friends that Jonghyun now can't imagine he'd ever live without. Not only that -- it also presented an opportunity to shout to Korea, to the _world_ , that _we are Nu’est, and we are here_. After five, long, grueling years of their voices not being heard, Jonghyun thinks, _Nu'est is here._

* * *

_Super Hot_ and _Hands On Me_ go off without a hitch. _Always_ is a little bit harder, not for Jonghyun specifically, but rather, Minki.

He can see out of the corner of his vision that Minki is trying his best to maintain a straight face. Frankly, everyone around him is as well, and as Jonghyun hears his friends around him singing the lyrics, harmonizing their voices into one soothing, mellow, and melancholy tune, he feels a tug at his chest and struggles to keep himself from falling face-first into the song and losing himself right then and there.

When they step off the stage afterwards, he finds Minki and wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders, giving a reassuring squeeze.

Minki laughs as he tilts his head back, blinking his eyes rapidly.

“We're almost at the end, huh?” Minki sniffs.

“Yes,” Jonghyun replies. “Save your tears for later, Minki. But I hope you won't need them.”

“Yeah, me too,” Minki replies. He smiles at Jonghyun, dabbing at the corners of his eyes.

“Like Hyunbin said,” Jonghyun begins, “just suffer a little longer.”

“Okay,” Minki murmurs. He rests his cheek momentarily on Jonghyun’s shoulder, before taking a breath, lifting up his head, puffing up his chest, and straightening his back. He rolls his shoulders up, joints sticking out of his crooked arms, forearms and hands dangling at his side as if he were a ball-jointed doll.

Jonghyun tries to roll his shoulders up too, but he's not double-jointed like Minki, and instead looks like he's a comic book character that's just been electrocuted.

Minki relaxes his body and pats Jonghyun on the back. They both break into fits of laughter.

* * *

Boa begins the announcement of rank 10. Jonghyun’s palms are sweating, his heart beats nervously in his chest, and he can't help but feel a little hypersensitive to the noise around him, his ears perked for Boa’s voice. At this point, it's almost impossible for him not to be within the top 11, having sat on the throne once and remaining within those ranks for every consecutive week afterwards. So he's not particularly worried about himself, but more for Minki, Dongho, and Minhyun. Two of which sit at the border of rank 11 and another who is only a few seats down.

A few grueling minutes later and Boa calls up Jinyoung. Jonghyun claps respectfully for his fellow trainee, smiling when Jinyoung grins like he's just won the lottery. Even if they aren't close friends, Jonghyun watched Jinyoung from the beginning. He watched the boy evolve from someone who hardly peeked out of his shell, head down and voice low as he performed, to someone imbued with enough confidence and charisma to become center, throwing hearts and smiling to the audience as if they were all his long-time friends.

Jinyoung sits after giving his speech, and Jonghyun has to wait another few minutes for Boa to announce rank 9.

His heart skips a beat when he hears Boa mention the song name _Never._ His heart almost stops when he hears her say _Pledis._ It's either him or Minhyun, and he sure as hell prays it's Minhyun. Because he knows he has a higher probability of placing within top 11, and it's _Minhyun_ he's talking about. Jonghyun wishes, at the very least, for Minhyun to be at his side in the final lineup.

Because, after all, Minhyun is the lifeline Jonghyun has had for the entire competition. There had been no one more supportive, no one more reasonable, no one more understanding, no one more _loving_ to Jonghyun than Minhyun had been.

His head goes dizzy as the blood rushes in his veins when Boa says, “Hwang Minhyun!” and the cheers around him suddenly engulf all of his senses, thundering in his ears to the point where it feels like his vision is vibrating. Jonghyun grins, clapping so hard his hands begin to turn red and sting, watching Minhyun take to the stage and receive a mic from a staff member.

When Minhyun speaks, Jonghyun can hear the thick tinge to his voice, and he can see the way Minhyun purses his lips between sentences. Jonghyun wants to go up there, place a hand on his arm, tell him it's not his time to cry, and wrap his arms around him tightly and not let go. But he suffices for watching his friend from on top of the steps, smiling as a wave of relief washes over his chest while waiting patiently for his own name to be called.

When Boa reaches rank five, a small amount of panic settles in Jonghyun’s mind. They've passed his previous rank of seven, and there are a few popular trainees left to be called. Jonghyun has held the throne once, so it's not entirely unlikely he could be near that rank again.

He holds his breath as Boa speaks again. He waits, and his name has not yet been said when they reach the final three.

That small bit of panic has now blossomed into something more. Jonghyun’s heart races, his palms are damp, his hands impatient. He's always been one to give up his opportunities for others whom he believes are more deserving, because he can see the want in their eyes and he knows they're not going to be given as many possibilities as him. And he thoroughly believed in that philosophy, never feeling remorseful about his decisions.

So this is an entirely different scenario for him, because this is something he wholeheartedly _desires._ The want races back and forth in his head, bordering on desperation because Jonghyun has worked so diligently and tirelessly the last six months with the hope that he and his friends will make it to those blue chairs on the pyramid.

He scans the trainees on the chairs, and Minhyun captures his eye.

A confused, almost overwhelmed look is what Minhyun gives him, and Jonghyun can't do anything but wring his hands together, shake his shoulders, and purse his lips in response.

Minhyun’s expression shifts to panic for a brief second before he looks away, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck.

If anything, Jonghyun knows Minhyun wishes he were there beside him as much as Jonghyun wants to be up there with him too.

To his chagrin, Jonghyun is not rank 3. He isn't even ranked 1 or 2, those places having been reserved some time ago for Jihoon and Daniel.

Instead, he is shown as one of the four contenders for rank 11, along with Dongho, Sewoon, and Sungwoon.

He hears Dongho murmur behind him, “So it has come down to this. You're like the Guanlin of this week, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun licks his lips. He almost laughs.

Boa announces she would read names beginning at rank 14.

And when she says _Pledis,_ Jonghyun braces himself.

“Kim Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun takes a deep breath.

It's like a rock has been dropped on his chest. He smiles gracefully, nonetheless, and takes the mic from a staff member, holding it carefully in his hands. All the years he has spent as the leader of Nu'est, all the months he's spent on the rollercoaster ride of Produce 101, could not have prepared him for the amount of composure required at that moment to keep his gaze unwavering, his voice level, and his stance confident.

The cameras are all focused on him. His gaze pans over everyone in front of him, all watching him intently.

Including Minhyun, who looks extremely somber.

Jonghyun purposely averts his eyes. He begins to speak, a small smile on his face.

He is a leader; he is not to cry, not to break down. Those things were never a part of his character in the first place.

But there are still tears that gather at the corners of his vision. They seem to intensify when he hears Dongho chuckling bitterly behind him.

Jonghyun finishes speaking and hands the mic back to a staff member. He swallows, closing his eyes momentarily.

“I'm sorry,” he hears behind him.

“I'm okay,” he replies.

 _I'm okay,_ Jonghyun thinks to himself. Maybe it is not his time, maybe he is undeserving. Maybe there are other plans for him in the future. He breathes, deeply, suppressing that rise of that desire in his chest, that had now morphed into a storm of disappointment and dismay. He's given up an opportunity of his again for someone else who could  make better use of it. Jonghyun is used to doing this. It is his nature.

But that doesn't change the fact that he wanted that spot in the first place. The bud of desire in him has not yet withered despite his efforts to crush it, and Jonghyun feels the most disappointed in himself than he ever has for a long time.

In the end, Dongho does not make it to the final 11. Rank 11 is Sungwoon. Jonghyun supposes most people would be bitter, but he doesn't mind too much. He is proud, in fact, because Sungwoon is extremely deserving of that spot. He has debuted already, and his group had gone through the same struggles Nu'est has. He deserved as much of a second chance as Jonghyun had, and his skill level is far more than capable for the new group.

Jonghyun is satisfied for the time being. He is still starkingly disappointed in himself, but that emotion is replaced with something else as he looks at the boys on the pyramid in front of him.

 _Minhyun_ , he thinks. All there by himself. Alone.

Minhyun does not meet Jonghyun’s eye, but Jonghyun can see the tension in the way he sits in his chair. He is still not relaxed even after all ranks have been announced.

And when the trainees are allowed to say goodbye to each other, Minki and Dongho gather at Jonghyun’s side.

“This is a shame,” Dongho says, and Minki hums in agreement.

They walk down to the bottom of the stage, and almost immediately Jonghyun is pulled away by Hyunbin.

“Hyung,” Hyunbin says, “I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry.”

Jonghyun’s breath skips because Hyunbin's voice has instantly shot holes into his wall of self-composure.

“Hyunbin…” Jonghyun begins, and he allows himself to be enveloped in a giant hug.

“I don't know why,” Hyunbin says, and he sniffs, tears painting streaks down his cheeks, and Jonghyun can't help but feel like he's been punched in the stomach because Hyunbin is like the kid he never had. Jonghyun was such an important factor in Hyunbin's development as a person and an idol, and in return Jonghyun genuinely enjoyed watching him grow.

“I voted for you every day, hyung, you deserved that spot,” Hyunbin sniffs.

“Thank you, Hyunbin,” Jonghyun replies, “I really appreciate you doing that for me.”

Seongwoo, Daniel, and Jaehwan appear around them, and Hyunbin lets Jonghyun go to allow the others to say their goodbyes.

Jaehwan is at the verge of tears. “I would have loved to see you as Wanna One’s leader,” he says, smiling wistfully.

“Thank you, Jaehwan,” Jonghyun replies. “You guys have other great choices for a leader, though, like Daniel or Seongwoo.”

“You're the best leader I've ever worked with, Jonghyun,” Daniel says. “It's a loss.”

“But it's okay,” Jonghyun reassures, smiling softly. _Yes, it's okay,_ he thinks to himself, once again. “I'll wait for Wanna One’s debut, and I'll support all of you.”

“Thank you, and I'll wait for your debut too,” Daniel replies. He smiles and laughs, his expression relaxed but sorrowful.

Jonghyun turns away from his friends, speaking with other trainees before he picks his way through the throng to Minki, Dongho, and Minhyun.

“There you are,” Minki says, “Mr. Popular.”

Jonghyun smiles, but when he looks at Minhyun it's wiped clean off of his face.

It's like a stake has been driven through his chest, because Minhyun is not only sad, but he's heartbroken.

“Hey, Jonghyun,” he murmurs, looking up, his eyes already beginning to swell, skin shining brightly with damp tracks of tears.

“N-No,” Jonghyun instantly chokes. “Please, no,” he pleads, going up to Minhyun and wrapping his arms tightly around the latter. “Minhyun,” he murmurs, his voice shaky, as he shuts his eyes tightly, because out of all the disheartened faces in the room Minhyun’s was the one he could least stand. It's a foreign expression to him, one that sends alarm bells ringing in his ears and shivers up his spine. “Minhyun, don't cry, be happy. Don't cry. You're in Wanna One now, you're going to be in the nation's top boy group. You've accomplished your goal, you've succeeded, you've done your best, so please don't cry,” he murmurs.

Minhyun’s grip around Jonghyun trembles, his face buried into Jonghyun’s shoulder, his voice when he spoke so low and quiet and uncertain that all Jonghyun wants to do is stand there and try to coax all the wrong emotions out of him.

“You've won,” Jonghyun whispers. “You've won. I'm so proud, Minhyun, I'm so proud.”

Minhyun looks up, reluctantly detaching himself from Jonghyun.

“It's not the same,” he begins. “It's not a victory without any one of you. We started this as a team, and we wanted to end it as a team.”

“But Minhyun…” Minki murmurs, placing a hand on Minhyun’s arm. “That might be true, but we're okay with that. Because it's okay if our goal only gets to be a reality for one person. We're a family, Minhyun. We couldn't be more proud and happy for a family member. Take pride in your accomplishment. Please.”

“I can't when I miss you guys,” Minhyun whispers.

“We're still here,” Minki replies. “Visit home often, okay? We'll always be home.”

“Okay,” Minhyun replies.

* * *

The contracts with YMC aren't officially signed until the next week. Minhyun is allowed to help his friends move their things back to the company dorms.

“Christ, you're all a teary bunch,” Aron says, when he opens the door. “Welcome home, you guys. Congratulations, Minhyun, on making the final cut.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Minhyun replies. He tries to smile, but Jonghyun can hear and see the unhappiness in his reply.

Aron picks up on it too. “Minhyun…” he begins, but Minhyun shrugs.

“I'll be okay,” he says.

“If you say so,” Aron replies. He glances at Jonghyun when Minhyun turns away.

Aron’s expression reels through confusion, surprise, graveness, and finally understanding as he sees the look and dejected smile Jonghyun gives him.

 _I'm sorry_ , Aron mouths, and Jonghyun sighs. Aron reaches over, grabbing his hand and giving a reassuring squeeze before letting go.

“He'll be okay?” he whispers.

“Soon, I hope,” Jonghyun murmurs.

Aron nods. “Thank you, Jonghyun.”

“For what?”

“For not giving up on any of us this whole time.” Aron sighs, rubbing his face with his palms. “Minhyunnie will be okay. We'll all be okay. I'm just glad it's over. All completely _over,_ ” he says, before grabbing a suitcase and proceeding to lug it down the hallway.

* * *

“Are you busy?”

Jonghyun looks up from his bed.

Minhyun has wrapped himself around the doorway, so that only part of his torso and his head are in Jonghyun’s view.

“No,” Jonghyun answers, and turns his face back to face the wall, his elbows resting on his knees, hands folded as he stares straight ahead.

He hears a pair of feet walking towards him. There’s a dip in the mattress as Minhyun sits down beside him.

“This is kind of like how it was at the beginning, huh?” Minhyun asks.

Jonghyun turns and looks at him. “What?”

Through the very dim light of the room, only illuminated by the old floor lamp in the far corner, Jonghyun can see a small smile appear on Minhyun’s face.

“That day before we left,” he replies.

Jonghyun smiles. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Except this time we don’t have a bunch of problems looming over our heads.”

Minhyun’s next word is a whisper, so quiet that Jonghyun has to strain his ears to hear.

“Almost."

He takes a deep breath, his chest heaving, and sighs. “I almost don’t want it to happen. Almost.”

“Minhyun, you shouldn’t say that,” Jonghyun replies.

“Am I being ungrateful?” Minhyun asks, suddenly. “Jonghyun, am I? I wanted to win so badly at the beginning. Wanted to be top 11 like every other trainee. Bet my all on it. And now that I have it, sometimes I think… that I shouldn’t have it. Or rather, I don’t want it.”

Jonghyun opens his mouth to speak, taking in a breath, but Minhyun beats him to it.

“Sometimes I think I don’t want it because it’s not going to be the same without the rest of Nu’est. Even if it was just one other member it’s not the same without Dongho. Not the same without Minki. Not the same without you. It’s two years away from you guys… two years. That’s a third of the time we’ve been together. What am I going to do? Am I just being selfish and ungrateful? I know I should probably just suck it up, because everyone deals with separation and it’s a great opportunity and it’s not like it’s a disbandment announcement or anything. But I’m not overjoyed, and instead, I’m just...”

Minhyun pauses for a moment, his eyes focused on the floor, and when he looks back up at Jonghyun, there’s a certain glint in his eyes. The dimness of the room emphasizes it -- a transparent white shining starkly against the dark brown, almost black of Minhyun’s pupils.

It’s a wet glint, the kind of glint that signals the onset of a wave of emotion.

“I’m just--” Minhyun begins, “--trapped.” He swallows his last syllable.

Jonghyun reaches out his arms, pulling Minhyun close to him, resting his chin on the latter’s head.

“I know,” he murmurs. He purposely doesn’t look directly at Minhyun’s face, because although he’s seen Minhyun hurt more in the past few months than he ever has in the years Jonghyun has known him, he’s never heard his voice like this. His voice so unsure, so apprehensive, so distraught and choked. The cause of what should’ve been a source of happiness for the both of them, instead has caused a chasm to form in the road they both walk on. And now, Minhyun must decide if he wants to take a leap over it or not, leaving Jonghyun behind if he chooses to do so. It pains Jonghyun to even think about Minhyun having to debate the choices when the obvious answer is in front of his face, let alone having to hear and see it in action.

“And I-- I…” Minhyun breaks off mid-sentence, because his voice falters. He tilts his head, his cheek pressing against Jonghyun’s skin. And then there’s the faint dampness of a single tear -- Jonghyun should be surprised, but at this point he’s almost lost the ability to _be_ surprised. The only thing he can do is hold Minhyun even closer to him, and bring a hand up to the other’s face, his thumb wiping away the rest of the tears that have already fallen.

“I d-don’t know if I want to go back, especially not without you. I thought about it so much, Jonghyun. Why were you not there? Why did you drop so much? From number seven… to number fourteen… I thought I was going crazy. Not seeing things right,” Minhyun says. He takes a shuddering breath. “I thought it was going to be at least you and me up there. _At least_.”

Jonghyun closes his eyes briefly, because Minhyun’s words bring him back to when he was up there on that stage -- and he was so _sure,_ and wanted so _badly_ to be on that pyramid, sitting on one of those blue chairs -- only to be appalled because it turned out to not happen like he had predicted.

“I believed that too. I think everyone else did,” Jonghyun says, and he smiles a bit. Because when he watched the recording a few hours ago, the look on Dongho’s face when his name was announced made him laugh. “But I think that I’m okay with how everything ended. Because one of us ended up winning, and that was the goal in the first place. I’ve done my job properly.”

“ _One_ ,” Minhyun says. “Only one.”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun murmurs. “Only one. But better than none.”

Minhyun turns his face, his fingers digging into Jonghyun’s back, gripping the cloth of his shirt so tightly that Jonghyun knows there’ll be deep wrinkles in the cotton by the morning. Minhyun’s breaths are shallow, inhaling and exhaling quickly, to the point where Jonghyun can faintly feel the rise and dip of his back beneath his arms.

They stay like that, Minhyun holding onto Jonghyun and breathing him in like he’s the anecdote to a poison in his body, while Jonghyun’s arms are wrapped around Minhyun, holding him in place and never letting grip relax, resting his chin on the latter’s head and having long ago closed his eyes.

Minhyun breaks their silence--minutes, hours, years later--by murmuring, “Can I sleep here?”

“Of course,” Jonghyun instantly replied. “It’s late, it’s about time we both sleep anyways. Tomorrow is the weekend, and we can finally wake up late.”

He stands up, walking over to the lamp in the far corner and clicking it off, engulfing the room in complete darkness. Jonghyun has to blink several times to adjust to the lack of light, and even then he still has to hold his arms out in front of him in order to make sure he doesn’t run into anything.

When he nears his bed, a hand grabs one of his arms outstretched in front of him, guiding his fingers to the edge of the bed. Jonghyun lays down, and Minhyun helps pull the blanket over them.

He finds Minhyun’s hand underneath the blankets, and he grabs onto it firmly, lacing their fingers together. Minhyun faces him, his eyes already half-lidded from exhaustion.

“Good night, Minhyun,” Jonghyun whispers, looking directly into Minhyun’s eyes, “Don’t think too much about Wanna One for now. You deserve a break. All of us do.”

Minhyun sighs, blinking slowly and shifting his torso, attempting to relax his body. He lets go of the Jonghyun’s hand and moves himself a little closer, until their noses are only centimeters apart.

Even though Minhyun has done this numerous times, he never fails to catch Jonghyun off-guard, even when Jonghyun can almost always see it coming. Even though Minhyun has done this more times than Jonghyun can remember off of the top of his head, his heart still flutters with the celerity and irregularity of a dragonfly’s delicate wings when Minhyun places his hand on Jonghyun’s jaw, his touch silky, thumb lightly rubbing against his cheek.

And then when Minhyun leans in, Jonghyun’s heartbeat flies off the scale, as if it was pulsing in time with the vibrations of a hummingbird’s flight. He always closes his eyes at this moment, partially from instinct and partially because he just drowns himself in Minhyun’s touch.

Minhyun kisses him, and it’s soft, chaste, as if he’s unsure of what he’s doing but he knows he wants to do it anyways. It’s almost too gentle, too subtle to be a kiss, really, but Minhyun’s hand holds him in place like always, and that’s how Jonghyun knows it’s never an accident. Never a mistake.

Minhyun pulls back after a few seconds, and an affectionate smile appears on his face.

“I wish I could just stay here, with you,” he whispers.

“Well, at least for now--” Jonghyun begins, “--you can. Starting right now.”

Minhyun closes his eyes, pulls Jonghyun closer to him, and rests his chin on top of Jonghyun’s head. “Good night,” he murmurs.

Jonghyun nods, tucking himself against Minhyun’s body. One of his hands comes to rest against Minhyun’s chest.

He falls asleep with the steady, rhythmic beating of Minhyun’s heart right beneath his palm.

* * *

**_fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this literally an hour after the finale livestream. rip me from keyboard smashing.
> 
> as usual, thanks to the moon and back to S for helping me so much!! we ended up editing this one and the other one until 3 in the morning (who needs sleep?) so without her you wouldn't be seeing much for my writing.
> 
> and lastly, thank you, reader for making it to the end! i always appreciate it.


End file.
